How you can annoy English soccer fans

So the United States will be taking on England in the first round of World Cup games, meaning we'll have to deal with some of the most passionate soccer fans in the world. Here is how you get into their head...

- Remind them that the NFL still makes more money than the English Premiere League. Also mention that unlike the EPL, there are women football fans.
- Remind them that they live in England.
- Remind them than even though we don't have universal healthcare over here, we still have better teach.
- Oh and our food is better.
- Say "lets play a game, raise your hand if you've won a revolutionary war."
- Tell them that their biggest contribution to the musical world was the Spice Girls.
- Braveheart. Yeah, you guys are a bunch of dicks. Oh, and William Wallace owned you.
- Inform them that they created Canada. Yeah thanks for that.
- America has NASCAR. England has Mini-Coopers. I think we win.
- Tell them France is better. That will go over well.

Oh those North Koreans...

When they're not sinking South Korean ships, they're cheating before the World Cup starts. You'd think that coming up with a roster wouldn't be too terrible difficult but the North Koreans ended up messing up roster rules set by FIFA.

North Korea, also known as The Bad Korea, tried to pull a fast one on FIFA, listing one of their strikers as a goalkeeper, in essence gaining an extra roster spot. It didn't work.

Kim Myong-won was put on the DRPK's final 23-man roster, as the third goalie. North Korea had better hope their first two stay healthy, because Kim isn't actually a goalie. He's a striker, who the defensive-minded Chollima were counting on to provide a little extra offense. They apparently listed him without first consulting with FIFA to see if that was legal.

A goalie as a striker? Perhaps the US should employ that strategy against England, it might throw them off. As for North Korea, well just continue to be weird...

Seattle Crossing Guards FC

So the Sounders defeated the Boca Juniors 3-0 last night in an international friendly match at Qwest Field. However, the bigger news was their highlighter colored jerseys.

Anyone's eyeballs hurt yet?

Hey guys! Have as much single-partner sex as you want

We were worried for the sexual health of World Cup soccer players for a moment.

Argentina's World Cup doctor says the squad will be allowed to sleep with "regular partners...without champagne or other drinks" during the tournament since sex is "not a problem in itself." 

Oh and they'll have hella nice toilets. Got to get rid of the condoms somewhere.

The World Cup is apparently being held on another continent

Whoops, I don't think that's South Africa.

Scarves down

This one was brutal, ladies and gentlemen.

The Seattle Sounders suffered their worst ever loss at the hands of the LA Galaxy, dropping today's match 4-0 at Qwest Field in front of a record crowd of 36,273 fans. Most of those people promptly went to Puget Sound and jumped in with their scarves.

LA improved to a league-leading 7-0-1 in the MLS, which is pretty good, in case you hadn't noticed. However, that's not important because nobody on this blog cares about Los Angeles. There's smog. Seattle drops to fifth place in the Western Conference at 2-2-3. Ack!

It's panic time, as another professional sports team in Seattle is struggling heavily.

Electron Boy saves the day

You need a feel-good story for the day? Here is 13-year old Erik Martin. He has always wanted to be a superhero, however he's living with Liver Cancer. The Make-A-Wish Foundation did one of the coolest things I've ever heard about to make Martin's wish come true.

Erik, who is living with liver cancer, has always wanted to be a superhero. On Thursday, the regional chapter of the Make-A-Wish Foundation granted him that wish with an elaborate event that involved hundreds of volunteers in Bellevue and Seattle.

The local chapter, which serves four states, grants more than 300 wishes every year to children with life-threatening medical conditions, but only a few of them involve so many participants.

Pulling off a wish like this one required a big story, and a lot of heart. And so, with a note of panic in his voice, Spider-Man explained the dilemma: "Dr. Dark" and "Blackout Boy" had imprisoned the Seattle Sounders in a locker room at Qwest Field. Only Electron Boy could free them.

What followed was an epic comic book-like story that had Martin saving the day. Click on the link to get the full story. It's pretty amazing.

Sounders will now be wearing crossing guard uniforms

Have you seen the Sounders FC new alternate uniforms?

When the Seahawks sported their Rave Green jerseys, I thought I had seen the worst uniforms in sports. I was wrong. These things are so bad that the University of Oregon is probably laughing at them now.

“A third kit is traditional among many international soccer clubs,” said Sounders FC owner and general manager Adrian Hanauer. “We will wear the third kit for international friendlies, possibly for some cup matches, and whenever Sigi feels like the “electricity” might bring us a result.”

Gag, the rest of the world will think Seattle has an infatuation with highlighters.

“These are really great kits,” said Sounders FC forward Fredy Montero. “We are going to help the stadium save money on the electricity bill.”
Oh you're funny Freddy, the Sounders will also get a bill from my optometrist after I go blind from watching these eyesores.