Photo: How many combined wins do they have together?

I mean, I guess when you're the mascot of a really bad team you have to hang out with mascots of other really bad teams.

How you can annoy English soccer fans

So the United States will be taking on England in the first round of World Cup games, meaning we'll have to deal with some of the most passionate soccer fans in the world. Here is how you get into their head...

- Remind them that the NFL still makes more money than the English Premiere League. Also mention that unlike the EPL, there are women football fans.
- Remind them that they live in England.
- Remind them than even though we don't have universal healthcare over here, we still have better teach.
- Oh and our food is better.
- Say "lets play a game, raise your hand if you've won a revolutionary war."
- Tell them that their biggest contribution to the musical world was the Spice Girls.
- Braveheart. Yeah, you guys are a bunch of dicks. Oh, and William Wallace owned you.
- Inform them that they created Canada. Yeah thanks for that.
- America has NASCAR. England has Mini-Coopers. I think we win.
- Tell them France is better. That will go over well.

Urinal Foul

Stephen Strasburg is getting a town named after him

As if the hype around Washington National's pitcher wasn't enough, a town in Virginia has decided to change their name in honor of the prospect who is slated to start for the first time on June 8th.

No pressure kid.

Maybe the citizens of Strasburg, Va., haven't heard about the softening ticket market for Stephen Strasburg's debut on Tuesday, because this action seems rash if they're doing it to get into the game.

OK, they're not really doing it to get into the game, but an excited group from the town of 6,200 people wants it to be renamed "Stephen Strasburg" for one week next year. (The town of Strasburg is about 70 miles from our nation's capitol.) The movement already has a website (RenameStrasburg.com) and an accompanying Facebook group of 19 members.

My thoughts is that Strasburg is going to be one heck of a pitcher, but all these expectations are setting him up for failure. Everyone needs to slow down a tad.

The Mariners are desperate for your attention

Really Ms? These are the kind of promotions you're coming up with? Celebrating websites that every baseball loving male hates.

Nothing like a 7-year-old Internet meme to show the kids you're hip, right Seattle? What's next, redirecting the team site to Last Measure? (Note: don't go to Last Measure.)

It was actually the second annual "Cheezburger Night" at Safeco, after the site that stole the idea from 4chan and made ridiculous money on it (which is okay, because 4chan found Happy Cat at Something Awful.

Enough with the tangled history of a meme we all wish would go away. Let's talk baseball, or the desecration thereof! The Mariners offered discounts on tickets and Happy Cat bobbleheads while supplies lasted. (Supplies lasted; they drew under their season average.) But, worst of all, they changed up "Take Me Out To The Ball Game" to put it in Lolcat speak.
I'm waiting for BobbleGut Griffey night.

Photo: Gary Coleman's Coffin

This isn't too soon is it?

Perfect game disaster ending has a happy ending?

You know doubt heard about Armando Galarraga's perfect game getting ruined by a bad call by the umpire. Well it might have a happy ending...

Bob Barker and Rod Roddy couldn't have planned it better themselves.

In the wake of Armando Galarraga's perfect-game-that-wasn't, Chevrolet and the Detroit Tigers rightly decided that the jilted pitcher deserved a grand gift anyway.

So a new Corvette was driven behind home plate prior to Thursday's game with the Cleveland Indians and presented to the man who has been nothing but class in the face of Wednesday's disappointing and unjust finish. That'll ease the sting a bit.

Even better, the feelgood moments didn't end once Galarraga was handed the keys to his shiny new whip. With Jim Joyce scheduled to work home plate for the day, Galarraga then carried the lineup to the tearful ump and shook his hand. Joyce remained emotional and responded with a thankful pat to Galarraga's arm.

Bud Selig came out and refused to change the call - the which would have been the last out of the perfect game - that the umpire obviously screwed up on. While replays clearly show that the runner was out, I'm not sure what precedent you set by changing rulings.  
And how about all these perfect games? Yeah the steroid era is officially dead.

Oh those North Koreans...

When they're not sinking South Korean ships, they're cheating before the World Cup starts. You'd think that coming up with a roster wouldn't be too terrible difficult but the North Koreans ended up messing up roster rules set by FIFA.

North Korea, also known as The Bad Korea, tried to pull a fast one on FIFA, listing one of their strikers as a goalkeeper, in essence gaining an extra roster spot. It didn't work.

Kim Myong-won was put on the DRPK's final 23-man roster, as the third goalie. North Korea had better hope their first two stay healthy, because Kim isn't actually a goalie. He's a striker, who the defensive-minded Chollima were counting on to provide a little extra offense. They apparently listed him without first consulting with FIFA to see if that was legal.

A goalie as a striker? Perhaps the US should employ that strategy against England, it might throw them off. As for North Korea, well just continue to be weird...

I'm back, bitches!

Good news everyone! I'm officially back on the grid as I used a Verizon wireless card to get my internet back meaning I'll be blogging like a mad fool. The bad news is that I'll be blogging like a mad fool.

(Most of it will be making fun of MooseJaw) By the way, these past few days without internet has been absolute torture.

Now I'll be able to update you all on the ins and outs of the fine state of Montana but first I would like to provide you all a counter-argument to everybody's worship about Ken Griffey Jr.

Sure he was basically the face of Seattle sports for years when he was with the Mariners but don't forget he left the Mariners. To go to the Reds. In Cincinnati. In the freaking' state of Ohio. And his career went into the tank after that.

As good as he was in Seattle, he was just as bad everywhere else and wasn't exactly Mr. Baseball when he came back to Seattle. I'll give that last year he was actually a big boost in the clubhouse. But this year he was falling asleep during games, which isn't a big deal in itself but it just goes to show you where he was in his career. He'll make a much bigger contribution as a clubhouse presence or coach - hopefully inside the Mariners' organization.

This doesn't tarnish his legacy but it's part of it. He came back to a rain check with the Mariners for the fans, not to better the team. Griffey is still one of the best players in the game all-time, and probably one of the clean ones, but don't omit certain parts of his career because of it. Everyone was calling for Griffey's head before the retirement and then once he announced it, he turns back into cuddly Griffey. What the heck?

Still love the guy, just being realistic.

Apparently some people can't hold their drinks

So it was the big ol' going away party for me last night. Here are some images that obviously show that none of us can hold our alcohol.

MooseJaw with his usual chipper attitude.

Toby sporting probably the strongest drink out of any of us. I think I was enjoying Washington Apples and Mike's Hard Lemonade all night. That and Boones.

I'm showing off my batting stance in this one.

Goodbye Spokane! At least for the moment...

Seattle Crossing Guards FC

So the Sounders defeated the Boca Juniors 3-0 last night in an international friendly match at Qwest Field. However, the bigger news was their highlighter colored jerseys.

Anyone's eyeballs hurt yet?

Hey guys! Have as much single-partner sex as you want

We were worried for the sexual health of World Cup soccer players for a moment.

Argentina's World Cup doctor says the squad will be allowed to sleep with "regular partners...without champagne or other drinks" during the tournament since sex is "not a problem in itself." 

Oh and they'll have hella nice toilets. Got to get rid of the condoms somewhere.

Is it about time to go to Roger Clemens?

I mean, Yankees' starting pitching is struggling... might as well give it the ol' college try.

Venus Williams wants you to see her naked

Saw Outside the Lines this morning and Venus Williams claimed that her outfit in the French Open was a design choice. After all, she's an expert on fashion. And ass-bearing.

Danny talks to Samantha Steele

On Monday's show, Danny got the chance to talk to FOX Sports sideline reports Samantha Steele. He may or may not have stumbled upon his words.

5-24-10 - Samantha Steele - Fox Sports by HansentheSwede

Ozzie Guillen likes to make fun of Cleveland

Here's what White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen had to say to Cleveland via autographed balls...

Hey as a fan, I would be ecstatic to get a ball signed like this. Except for what he wrote next...

Is this the first time a manager has used LOL?
Found this on Deadspin.

Venus Williams.... ???

ummm... what?

Scratch up an error on the safety crew

What the heck is going on here?! Race car driver Giorgio Bartocci gets into a fiery wreck and the safety crew sits idly by while he burns in his car. This is ridiculous and the track should be held responsible for his injuries.

The least you could do is spray the driving compartment with the extinguishers... just a though.

Bartocci's Lamborghini Gallardo LP 560-4 race car goes out of control and slams into the wall at the track in Brno, Czech Republic during the Lamborghini Blancpain Super Trofeo, which is the world's fastest one-make series. It's almost immediately engulfed and the driver struggles to escape the flaming wreckage. Instead of freeing the driver two track safety workers try to put the fire out — mostly by spraying the pavement with semi-functioning extinguishers.

No one seems to focus on actually removing the driver and a safety truck in the background nearly backs over someone. You also see another official trying to put out the fire from the grandstand before someone who knows what they're doing grabs it out of the guy's hands.

The driver's not freed until a minute later when one of his co-drivers and crewmembers eventually yank him from the melting car after running there from the pits. Numerous other track personal stand around as this happens, seemingly ambivalent to the fact there's a driver in there. Perhaps it's normal safety procedures at this track to have the two guys not in safety gear to rescue the driver, but it doesn't seem right.



Good job guys, you keep standing around in your fire-retardant suits while his unprotected buddies bail him out.

He wasn't napping through this fight

This looks like any normal D-bag Chicago fan fight, but if you look closely...is it... ITS A GRIFFEY jersey!!!

Photo: Adam Morrison before the 'stache

This is from the Sports Illustrated Vault, taken in 2003 of Adam Morrison in his dorm room. Wow.

A T-Rex can throw out a better first pitch than MooseJaw

If you remember earlier this week, MooseJaw talked about how he couldn't get the ball to the dirt while throwing out the first pitch. Well I think he might have been one-upped by a prehistoric animal...

I'd like to see Lebron make this shot

He'd probably refuse to get into the airplane and just hang out at the three-point line while his team lost by 20.

GRIFFEY IS THE BEST BASEBALL PLAYER EVER!

We've been talking about how they should bench Junior for a more productive batter and then he goes and does this...

Griffey hits game-winning hit (and drives in Milton Bradley of all people)

I smell winning streak... okay I don't smell winning streak. Sadly this probably garuntees Griffey's spot in the lineup for at least two more months.

Madden just got awesome

Good God... is that Gus Johnson's music?! It is! The favorite March Madness commentator for CBS has just been signed as the play-by-play guy for Madden 11 - which if you have played the game recently you've noticed the commentary has sucked badly.

Now, get ready for "The runner... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Oh I can't wait.

Today, Johnson, the exciting and excitable CBS sportscaster, officially became the fourth play-by-play man to hold sports gaming's top booth job. Teased at the end of this video a month ago, Johnson's hiring is hardly a shocker, and neither are EA Sports' reasons for grabbing him. After nearly 20 years of often sedate, always straightforward calls by the likes of Pat Summerall and Al Michaels, Madden badly needed the kind of high-five-yourself enthusiasm Johnson imposes on a game.

"Coming out of Madden 10 one of the biggest criticisms was the audio presentation," said Ronnie Morales, an audio designer with EA Sports Tiburon, the studio behind the game. "We felt the game lacked the energy it deserved. Football is a dramatic sport."

The commentary was always something I thought was really cool as a kid but as I grew up I realized it was kind of lame. I mean how many times could you really enjoy John Madden talking about "Stick-em on the wide-recievers hands."

Gus Johnson will be a welcomed adition and hopefully the game comes with a "Gus Johnson head is exploding feature."

I think M's fans are really starting to hate these players

Just how bad is it for Seattle fans right now? Last night, trailing 3-2 in the bottom of the ninth against the Toronto Blue Jays, who does manager Don Wakamatsu put in to pinch hit?

That's right, Ken Griffey Jr. The same player that has been drawing the criticism of Mariners fans everywhere for being completely worthless at the plate. Coming in to pinch hit. On the verge of five straight losses. Ken Griffey Jr. That photo above is of Griffey harmlessly popping out - he didn't even get it to the outfield grass.

Then after Ichiro pops out, Figgins and Gutierrez get on base which brings up - MIKE SWEENEY!

The same player that has been drawing the criticism of Mariners fans everywhere for being completely worthless at the plate. Sweeney gave a ball a ride... right into the glove of of a Blue Jays outfielder and the Mariners lost their fifth straight, and are now 8.5 games out of the AL West lead.

Now I would take this time to announce that David Ortiz is back! I mean he's really hitting well now, but it pains me to see such suffering from Mariners fans so I wont even try and rub it in. Back-to-back, these have got to be the most painful losses by Seattle this year.

Why? Doug Fister pitched well. Eight innings, five strike outs, only allowed three runs. David Aardsma sealed up the ninth with two strikeouts. Figgins looks like he's starting to come around. But the two players that have been the epicenter of the Mariners woes this season crapped the bed.

Seriously, time to start rioting. Or just throwing those Griffey bobbleheads off high rises.

What's next for today? Randy Johnson scaling down from the rafters and hitting Felix in the back with a steel chair?

The mascots for the Olympics...

Further proof the English are a little weird, here are the mascots for the Olympics...


The one-eyed figures, called Wenlock and Mandeville, were unveiled at an east London school on Wednesday with organisers hoping they will inspire a generation of children and persuade their parents to contribute the £15 million the mascots are slated to raise in merchandising revenue.
Um....

Boston is just better than Seattle

Let's compare this...

A vibrant east coast city with plenty of history (I mean didn't the Revolution start there) with classic sports teams that have championships and lore. A west coast city that is known for its grunge and coffee, not to mention a domed stadium that had a tendancy to drop concrete bricks onto unsuspecting seats.

Right now, the Boston Celtics are up 2-0 in the Eastern Conference Finals in the NBA, after basically being written off for being old and past their prime. Seattle? Well...

Oh yeah, ouch...

Now let's move to baseball. The Red Sox have been having a down year so far - just 20-20 on the season which is good enough for fourth place in the AL East. The Mariners are also fourth... in a four team division. With Brandon League on the roster. Ugh.

Whoah! The most feared closer in baseball!

Shall we compare football because that would just be ridiculous. Tom Brady vs. Matt Hasselbeck? Are you kidding me?

Between all the people on the show and their sports allegiances, Seattle, Cleveland and Boston. Come on, Boston wins by a landslide.

The ugly face of Steve Nash

Good god man... from college to present... you're ugly.

Yuck.

Um... Tiger Woods ladies and gentlemen!

Certainly not a subpar photo...

Want to see the Rocket's secret

Oh Roger Clemens, how funny are you right now?