Congress starts the war on chew

Congress has gone insane. Instead of fixing this little thing called an economy, they've decided to go after something they'll never be able to fix. Big leaguers using chewing tobacco.

WASHINGTON — After hounding Major League Baseball and its players union over steroids, Congress now wants the sport to ban smokeless tobacco.

"Good luck," San Francisco Giants reliever Brandon Medders said. "Guys do what they do. We work outside. It's been part of the game for 100 years."

At a hearing Wednesday, House Energy and Commerce Committee chairman Henry Waxman, a California Democrat, and Health Subcommittee chairman Frank Pallone, a New Jersey Democrat, called on baseball and its players to agree to bar major leaguers from using chew, dip or similar products during games.

Also on Congress' agenda...

1. To stop truck drivers from cursing.
2. Curbing Lindsey Lohan's drinking habit.
3. Getting CSI:Miami to win an Emmy.
4. Prevent zit outbreaks among teenagers.
5. Get JaMarcus Russell to a Pro Bowl.

Good luck, guys.