Photo: How many combined wins do they have together?

I mean, I guess when you're the mascot of a really bad team you have to hang out with mascots of other really bad teams.

The Mariners are desperate for your attention

Really Ms? These are the kind of promotions you're coming up with? Celebrating websites that every baseball loving male hates.

Nothing like a 7-year-old Internet meme to show the kids you're hip, right Seattle? What's next, redirecting the team site to Last Measure? (Note: don't go to Last Measure.)

It was actually the second annual "Cheezburger Night" at Safeco, after the site that stole the idea from 4chan and made ridiculous money on it (which is okay, because 4chan found Happy Cat at Something Awful.

Enough with the tangled history of a meme we all wish would go away. Let's talk baseball, or the desecration thereof! The Mariners offered discounts on tickets and Happy Cat bobbleheads while supplies lasted. (Supplies lasted; they drew under their season average.) But, worst of all, they changed up "Take Me Out To The Ball Game" to put it in Lolcat speak.
I'm waiting for BobbleGut Griffey night.

I'm back, bitches!

Good news everyone! I'm officially back on the grid as I used a Verizon wireless card to get my internet back meaning I'll be blogging like a mad fool. The bad news is that I'll be blogging like a mad fool.

(Most of it will be making fun of MooseJaw) By the way, these past few days without internet has been absolute torture.

Now I'll be able to update you all on the ins and outs of the fine state of Montana but first I would like to provide you all a counter-argument to everybody's worship about Ken Griffey Jr.

Sure he was basically the face of Seattle sports for years when he was with the Mariners but don't forget he left the Mariners. To go to the Reds. In Cincinnati. In the freaking' state of Ohio. And his career went into the tank after that.

As good as he was in Seattle, he was just as bad everywhere else and wasn't exactly Mr. Baseball when he came back to Seattle. I'll give that last year he was actually a big boost in the clubhouse. But this year he was falling asleep during games, which isn't a big deal in itself but it just goes to show you where he was in his career. He'll make a much bigger contribution as a clubhouse presence or coach - hopefully inside the Mariners' organization.

This doesn't tarnish his legacy but it's part of it. He came back to a rain check with the Mariners for the fans, not to better the team. Griffey is still one of the best players in the game all-time, and probably one of the clean ones, but don't omit certain parts of his career because of it. Everyone was calling for Griffey's head before the retirement and then once he announced it, he turns back into cuddly Griffey. What the heck?

Still love the guy, just being realistic.

GRIFFEY IS THE BEST BASEBALL PLAYER EVER!

We've been talking about how they should bench Junior for a more productive batter and then he goes and does this...

Griffey hits game-winning hit (and drives in Milton Bradley of all people)

I smell winning streak... okay I don't smell winning streak. Sadly this probably garuntees Griffey's spot in the lineup for at least two more months.

I think M's fans are really starting to hate these players

Just how bad is it for Seattle fans right now? Last night, trailing 3-2 in the bottom of the ninth against the Toronto Blue Jays, who does manager Don Wakamatsu put in to pinch hit?

That's right, Ken Griffey Jr. The same player that has been drawing the criticism of Mariners fans everywhere for being completely worthless at the plate. Coming in to pinch hit. On the verge of five straight losses. Ken Griffey Jr. That photo above is of Griffey harmlessly popping out - he didn't even get it to the outfield grass.

Then after Ichiro pops out, Figgins and Gutierrez get on base which brings up - MIKE SWEENEY!

The same player that has been drawing the criticism of Mariners fans everywhere for being completely worthless at the plate. Sweeney gave a ball a ride... right into the glove of of a Blue Jays outfielder and the Mariners lost their fifth straight, and are now 8.5 games out of the AL West lead.

Now I would take this time to announce that David Ortiz is back! I mean he's really hitting well now, but it pains me to see such suffering from Mariners fans so I wont even try and rub it in. Back-to-back, these have got to be the most painful losses by Seattle this year.

Why? Doug Fister pitched well. Eight innings, five strike outs, only allowed three runs. David Aardsma sealed up the ninth with two strikeouts. Figgins looks like he's starting to come around. But the two players that have been the epicenter of the Mariners woes this season crapped the bed.

Seriously, time to start rioting. Or just throwing those Griffey bobbleheads off high rises.

What's next for today? Randy Johnson scaling down from the rafters and hitting Felix in the back with a steel chair?

Boston is just better than Seattle

Let's compare this...

A vibrant east coast city with plenty of history (I mean didn't the Revolution start there) with classic sports teams that have championships and lore. A west coast city that is known for its grunge and coffee, not to mention a domed stadium that had a tendancy to drop concrete bricks onto unsuspecting seats.

Right now, the Boston Celtics are up 2-0 in the Eastern Conference Finals in the NBA, after basically being written off for being old and past their prime. Seattle? Well...

Oh yeah, ouch...

Now let's move to baseball. The Red Sox have been having a down year so far - just 20-20 on the season which is good enough for fourth place in the AL East. The Mariners are also fourth... in a four team division. With Brandon League on the roster. Ugh.

Whoah! The most feared closer in baseball!

Shall we compare football because that would just be ridiculous. Tom Brady vs. Matt Hasselbeck? Are you kidding me?

Between all the people on the show and their sports allegiances, Seattle, Cleveland and Boston. Come on, Boston wins by a landslide.

Eric Byrnes tearing it up in the softball leagues

How did the Mariners ever let Eric Byrnes go?!?!

Featured Interview: Dave Cameron from USS Mariner

The Mariners are falling apart!

There's no offense!

Griffey is falling asleep!

Time to bail on the M's right? Well come on, the season has just started. We talked with Dave Cameron from USSMariner.com about just how bad Mike Sweeney is (Can we bring back Jay Buhner?), the all important Griffey falling asleep in the clubhouse debacle and if the team has a chance to crawl back into this division race.

You can listen to the interview here.

5-10-10 - Dave Cameron - USS Mariner by HansentheSwede

It might be the end for Griffey

Get set for some serious drama, there's a bombshell about to drop in Seattle... Griffey hasn't been the "Mr. Teammate" this year that everyone expected. Now you can forgive his pitiful performance at the plate if he added something to the clubhouse but right now, he's not even doing that. Right now, he sells bobbleheads and that's about it.

That the rocking chair days are creeping near for Griffey doesn't come as much of a surprise. He's hitting .208/.265/.234 with no home runs and only two doubles in 83 plate appearances this season. He has struggled to recover from the left-knee surgery he had in the offseason and that he's 40 years old is evident to anybody who looks at him.

But what is surprising is that it's being reported that Griffey hasn't exactly been the teammate he has continually been touted to be. LaRue writes that there "have been times during games when [Griffey has] retired to the clubhouse, texted friends [and] watched the TV broadcast." Two players also told LaRue that Griffey wasn't available for a pinch-hit opportunity last week because he was asleep in the Mariners clubhouse. Yikes.

Falling asleep in the clubhouse? Was he getting too tired from giving out hugs along with Mike Sweeney. That's ridiculous and it's just in time to really make a poor season in Seattle even worse. Oh woe is the Mariners.

Dallas Braden doesn't want you to touch his mound

Oakland A's pitcher Dallas Braden, most famous for throwing a tissy fit after A-Rod crossed over the pitcher's mound to get to first base, has made history. Braden has just pitched the 19th perfect game in the history of the MLB.

What's that mean? Well just be glad it was against the Tampa Bay Rays and not the Mariners. Although after watching SportsCenter and seeing the Mariners getting no-hit through six and then cheering when Griffey broke up the no-hitter in an 8-0 loss... yeah it's going to be a long season, and perhaps the lineup getting no-hit or perfect gamed would be the most memorable thing this season for the Mariners. That or Cliff Lee wearing a jet pack out on the mound so he can jettison to his next big contract team after his last start for the M's. It's going to happen. Trust me.

As for A-Rod? Well Braden's grandmother has apparently told him to go "stick it."

I love old people.

Check out the hyphen shirts!

Remember this commercial?



Well now, according to Twitter, they're selling hyphen shirts at the team store. Awesome!

I'm going to side with Milton Bradley, landlords are dicks

We all know that landlords are dicks. Espicially the landlords of professional athletes. Ask Milton Bradley, his former LL from Chicago is raising all sorts of hell.

Kotsiopoulos alleged Bradley had caused $13,900 in damages to the condo before he split. The suit contended he left red paint on white silk draperies, water rings and wine stains on an ebony zebra wood credenza, food and juice stains on a silk velvet ottoman, and a five-foot coffee splattering on the master bedroom carpet.

"I viewed the apartment today," Kotsiopoulos said Wednesday in a phone interview. "I saw the damage he had left first-hand and it is real damage." 

I understand that is some damage but since when do stains amount to $14,000? It's called a carpet cleaner dingbat. Something tells me that he's inflating costs - that and he didn't return to Bradley his $30,000 damage deposit.

What a dick.

Hooray! MLB drops five-game suspension on Cliff Lee

Cause this helps so much since Lee has been out with an abdominal strain. Thanks MLB Baseball!

SEATTLE (AP)—Major League Baseball dropped its five-game suspension of Mariners pitcher Cliff Lee(notes), who could be healthy enough to make his Seattle debut by the end of this month.

The 2008 AL Cy Young Award winner threw 70 pain-free pitches in a simulated game Tuesday and was asked how anxious he is to finally pitch for his new team in a game that means something.

“I don’t know if it can get any higher,” Lee said. “For me, it’s the start of the season. I’ve got to get back and help these guys win. … I’m excited.”

While the Mariners have looked better as of late, will Cliff Lee be the catalyst that gets things cooking?

Down in front!

Baseball hasn't been doing so hot attendance-wise. In the eight MLB games played on Monday night, three of them set all-time lows for their respective ballparks in attendance. Including our very own Safeco Field!

Notes: The crowd of 14,528 was the smallest in Safeco Field's history. The previous smallest was 15,818 on May 6, 2008.

Crap. And this probably isn't going away anytime soon. I know the weather is still a bit cold out, but frankly not a whole lot of people can afford major-league prices at the moment. Overall, teams may have to adjust ticket prices accordingly next season unless they want this downward trend to continue.

(Or perhaps it's because everyone has high-def screens? Just a thought)

Apparently David Aardsma likes showing off more than just his fastball

So apparently somebody has a photo of the DA's um... deputy DA if you catch my drift. Somebody sent a letter to the Seattle Met saying this:

To whom it may concern:

I have a photo of Seattle Mariners pitcher David Aardsma that may be of interest to your magazine publication. Sent to my phone directly from Mr. Aardsma (camera phone of Mr. Aardsma clearly displayed in the picture itself) showing subject in VERY compromising position (i.e. fully nude). Considering his marital status and prominent position in the Seattle community, this photo necessitates significant attention. Due to the recent media coverage of Tiger Woods' similar situation, this topic is rather timely & appropriate in nature.

If you have any interest in acquiring this photo, feel free to contact me through this email address. Thank you for your time.

M.S.

It's alright David, Greg Oden knows your pain.

(Found this on Deadspin)

Milton Bradley could explode at any time

We knew that Milton Bradley was something of a headcase, but we're just five games into the season and he's already flipping fans off. This might end badly.

Yes, that's the newest Mariner giving a nice one-fingered salute to his old friends in Texas during the fourth inning of Seattle's 6-2 loss to the Rangers on Friday night. Bradley didn't speak to reporters after the game, but he's hitting .059 on the season and went 0-for-4 with two strikeouts on the night. After he popped out in the eighth, the AP reported that Bradley "glared for about 10 seconds" at fans who were jeering at him from behind the dugout.

Flipping fans the bird isn't the worst thing in the world — some of history's greatest men have extended it – but you have to be concerned about this if you're with the Mariners. This certainly isn't the last time Bradley is going to face hostile fans on the road this season and if he's already responding in this manner, well ... let's just say that our Mt. Milton eruption watch is officially on. 

Ladies and gentlemen, the 2010 Seattle Mariners!

Time to go bury your head in the sand, Mariners fans

Not the start that the Seattle Mariners were looking for this season.

ARLINGTON, Texas -- Colby Lewis got his first major league win over six years, leading the Texas Rangers over the Mariners 6-2 Friday night and sending skidding Seattle to its fourth straight loss.

Lewis (1-0) allowed one run and five hits in seven innings, struck out three and walked four. The 30-year-old right-hander won in the major leagues for the first time since starting for the Rangers and beating Barry Zito at Oakland on April 7, 2004.

This is the worst start for the Mariners since 2004, and Cliff Lee may not be back until May. Oh boy.

The pitching hasn't been as good as advertised, something Lee was expected to bolster. The bats for the Mariners are tepid at best - and even though it's just five games into the season, the weaknesses are very apparent.

Oakland isn't supposed to be even close to contending this year, yet they took the opening series against the Mariners three games to one. Texas is a divisional opponent and any loss against them is key down the stretch if things turn into a pennant race.

However, if things continue the way they have been going, I don't think the Mariners will have to worry about any pennant race.

Mariners payroll concerns

Here is an interesting blog post from Geoff Baker who points out that the Mariners have actually dropped their payroll, while seemingly more of a contender. So why didn't they spend the money they saved on a big bat or strengthened their pitching staff somehow.

Folks have quibbled before about the difference between USA Today's accounting and what teams actually account for. But I will say, I've rarely seen anyone claim a 10 percent or more disparity in what the numbers say. And right now, USA Today is saying the M's payroll for Opening Day has dropped significantly from what it was a year ago -- from what they say was $98.9 million on opening day of 2009 to $86.5 million as of right now.

If you don't care, you don't care.

But if you're wondering why the M's haven't done more to bolster their chances of contending in 2010, you might find these numbers interesting

I personally would be happy that the team cut payroll and got better, but apparently Geoff Baker thinks otherwise. Meanwhile, the Red Sox have the most expensive fifth starting pitcher in baseball...

Cliff Lee suspended for five games after not being a nice guy

Not exactly the start we were looking for in Spring Training for the Seattle Mariners, as Cliff Lee will now miss five games for being a jerk.

PEORIA, Ariz. -- Seattle Mariners starter Cliff Lee received a five-game suspension Wednesday from Major League Baseball, jeopardizing his first start of the season.

Lee will appeal the suspension, according to the Mariners. Manager Don Wakamatsu said the appeal will be heard in plenty of time for the Mariners to set their opening-week rotation.

Lee was suspended and fined for intentionally throwing a pitch, MLB vice president Bob Watson said, in the head area of Arizona Diamondbacks catcher Chris Snyder during the third inning of their game Monday.

Look on the bright side, at least Cliff Lee has stayed away from the nose candy.

Who wants a snuggie?

That's right, we talked about Cleveland Cavs snuggies, but here is a Seattle Mariners snuggie. Epic!